I Simple Miss You

I spend my days constantly thinking about what it would have been like if I only mingled with you differently. Fate is always decided by first impressions. I throw myself in front of you and I’m forced to cast an image that reflects your personality. When I’m trying to impress you, I often find my speech focusing on your opinions rather than mine. I have to change my hand motions, hair style, body coverage (clothing), tone of voice, and, most importantly, what my eyes communicate when I sit down with you to chat. But no matter what I did it seemed that you were always bored with me. Things didn’t set right between us until the day I had to leave you behind. That was months ago… Once only separated by a hill, now includes the cascades, deserts, rivers, valleys, and the Rockies. To get to where you are I used to only have to drive about fifteen minutes to find you. Now, in order to see you, I have to fly half way across the country just to feel the comfort of your presence, and to listen to your soothing words that can put me at ease. So instead of seeing the real you, I result to my imagination. One time I sat down to eat with my friends. We held conversation within the room as we ate, and I occasionally gazed out the window. All of a sudden, my eyes caught an image of a girl who, for a split second, I thought was you. I stared, and I stared, and I stared, and I never stopped looking because you weren’t looking back at me. Your hair was tied up in the back, and you had on a slim hoodie jacket that fit you perfectly, which also matched your jeans. The image was so familiar, so provoking. I almost went out to say hello. I shook my head back and forth, and told myself that it wasn’t you. I even told my friends that the girl outside looked exactly like you. All they could do was laugh and tell me that I was weird. But when I miss you so much, and when it’s been months since the last time I saw you, I knew that this was the only closeness that I would get to you. As long as I believed that this girl was you, I could satisfy my nothingness, and put it to rest for a little while longer. You never turned to look up at me from down below while I ate, but I did see your face on that girl; however, after staring at her for so long I must have just plastered you onto her, just so that I could get a look for a little bit longer. Your actions were even the same as I remember. You were being social with your girlfriends, and giving hugs as you said goodbye. Then, you turned towards the entrance of a nearby building. In my head I waved goodbye to you, hoping that you would turn to look up at me through the window. I never saw your face directly, but I watched as you fumbled with the key card lock, as if you were waiting for someone to let you in. I stared wide eyed at you, getting every glimpse of you that I could before you entered the door. When, finally, someone opened the door for you, you thanked them and walked in. I watched you disappear through the door, and I cursed under my breath because I could have been the one to greet you at that building. Upon your vacancy from my sight, I cried.